GENESIS - THE MAIN CHARACTERS

ABEL – the first murder victim and the first ghost. God can’t see or find his body until his spirit identifies itself.

ADAM, - first human, unless we believe the version of Genesis where he and Eve were created equal, already in their adult years. Given to loving and talking to his own rib. Cast out of a nice garden for eating a fruit from the Tree Of Knowledge. Told of an equally forbidden tree of life only as he and his wife are ejected. Had they chomped the fruit from that tree instead we would all be immortal now. Blames Eve before God when caught having eaten the fruit

ABRAHAM - The first of the three patriarchs, driven from home on a quest for a new land for his people. He twice deceives people into thinking his wife is his sister before selling her into their prostitution harems. His wells and temples and animal sacrifices to God gain him considerable favour. He tries to murder his son on God’s whim until learning it was a test, (or a sick April Fool’s day joke) by God. He is jealous of Lot’s wealth and casts him out of his lands and then raises an army to save him once invaders capture Lot. Abraham does try to help Lot get out of Sodom but unsuccessfully. He is indifferent and remote to sons not directly in the bloodline of succession who will inherit Israel.

Abraham obliges on his slaves to worship his God on his behalf even when he’s not their God. He is willing to pay a nice price for a family burial site.

CAIN – the first true human in that he is born of a woman as opposed to being made out of mud, or from a rib cage. He commits the first fratricidal murder, and gets branded and cast into exile within an exile for it.

ESAU – Hairy twin to Joseph, gruff and aggressive. He gets narked when swindled out of his birthright and divine blessings by his sibling, and contemplates murder. His grievances seem quite warranted. He is quite content to steal Esau’s birthright and blessings. If God had played fair Esau would be the father of Israel, not Jacob.

His murderous rage is easily neutralised with bribes of wealth and cattle by his brother.

EVE – The first woman, given to chatting with strange snakes, and the first of the pair to eat the forbidden fruit. This has caused women a great deal of injustice sine.

GOD – The whole shebang obviously comes down to him. He creates the Universe for unspecified reasons, in less than a week. He creates things in mixed orders, sometimes more than once. He creates Adam & Eve twice, but not the people their sons marry.

He decides he doesn’t like his creation. Even the animals and fauna offend him, so he wipes the World out with more water than it could possibly produce, except for one boatful of faithful and selected animals. Why he finds Noah a better man than others is unspecified.

He decides one family and its descendants will be his chosen people, and manipulates their progress through history over generations. He turns a blind eye to the crimes Abraham and family commit. He manifests himself as a human angel and later as a wrestler to prove a point to people. He wipes two cities off the map, turns a woman into salt, and ignores several cases of prostitution. He punishes women by rendering them infertile and barren. Good people suffer and die needlessly His behaviour is decidedly schizoid and psychotic. He plagues a Pharaoh for using Sarah as a prostitute when she was married to Abraham, even though the Pharaoh had no way of knowing this. (Prostitution of single women being somehow acceptable in God’s eyes at this time).

ISAAC – chief son of Abraham, second patriarchal father of the Hebrews, almost killed by his father in a bizarre loyalty experiment, but saved. His marriage to Rebecca is engineered by God, though Isaac tries to pass her off as a sister and prostitute as his Dad had done before him with Sarah. Old, blind, he is subjected to much cruelty by his wife and children.

ISRAEL – Later name of Jacob, in keeping with the nation state that will bear his name. Several times the Bible lapses and calls him Jacob despite that name being abolished.

JACOB - The last of the patriarchs, later renamed Israel. Second son of Isaac & Rebecca. A man easily corrupted by jealousy. Duped into marrying and giving children to the wrong woman for 7 years, but patient enough to wait seven more years for a second go. Jacob rustles sheep and cattle created by miracle-magic rods and fights a wrestling match with God, which he loses when God hurts his thighs for him. Given to visions of angels climbing ladders.

JOSEPH – An egotistical dreamer, bragging to brothers and father about how they will one day serve him when he is their king. No wonder they throw him into a pit and then cast him into slavery. Unfortunately, his vision still comes true. Ultimately, he proves to be wise and honest, and forgiving to his family for their unspeakable behaviour. He ends up virtually in control of Egypt, and fares well. His is one of the few Genesis stories of a good, heroic figure faring well in life. His status rise to control of the entire World food supply makes him the first superhero, a messianic figure comparable in miracle making, to Jesus.

JUDAH – takes a prostitute unaware that she is a widow he has condemned to spinsterhood. Discovering she is pregnant by himself, he proclaims her righteous to save himself.

LABAN – Father to Rachael & Leah. He dupes Jacob into 14 years of servitude on his farms, and though Jacob loves Rachael, Laban ensures that he ends up making love to Leah first. Laban either underpays Jacob, or pays him nothing at all in this time (there is some contradiction on this issue). He tries to declare war on Jacob when Jacob steals his sheep, but backs down when God orders him to, and goes home. He also has his family gods stolen by his daughters.

LEAH – Laban’s older daughter, who seduces Jacob, though he loves her younger sister, Rachael. Leah is fertile but still has children born through her surrogate slave girl.

LOT – the unluckiest good man in the Old Testament, given a share great wealth that Abraham swindled out of the Egyptians, Abraham casts him out of town for being too rich. Lot ends up in war torn, utterly corrupt Sodom where he and his family are captured by invaders trying to secure control of the city’s bitumen pits. Rescued, but staying in Sodom Lot rescues two angels from a lynching but have to escape from the city they help destroy. His un-named wife is turned into salt, and he ends up too scared to leave a cave ever after. His daughters rape him in his sleep there to get pregnant. Lot dies.

NOAH – The only good man in a world so evil God wants to destroy it with water. Noah gets a week to learn shipbuilding, zoology, animal husbandry and sailing. He copes, and adds vineyard keeping to his skills, but then gets drunk on the wine produced. The first wine maker and the first alcoholic in human history.

RACHAEL – Younger daughter of Laban, kept waiting 14 years for a chance to make love to Jacob, and then finds herself barren. She has a slave bear several children for her until God gives her back her fertility when she gives birth to Joseph. Rachael steals her father’s statues of the family gods.

REBECCA – beautiful wife to Isaac, with there described in detail wedding ceremony later incorporated into many genuine Jewish wedding ceremonies. She becomes hateful to her ugly son Esau and plots his undoing with Jacob regardless of her husband’s wishes.

SARAH Wife to Abraham, mother to Isaac, periodic sex slave, (on a whim of her husband, and supported by God, subjected to prolonged barren-ness into her 9^th century on Earth, buried in a cave.

TAMAR – Another much maligned innocent victim of God’s whims. God kills her husband before she can have children. (we are never told why0. A second man is sent to her but chooses to spill his seed outside her – God too kills him. Tamar is now ordered to remain a spinster by her father in law, Judah, until his young son is mature enough to marry her. Judah has lied and has no intention of doing this. Tamar lets Judah use her as a prostitute, without showing her face. Later, he tries to have her burnt to death until she shows he is the father of her child, when he leaves her alone. She gives birth to twins.

Arthur Chappell

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