"We're all doomed. Hee-hee."

THE RAPTURE

Concerning the fate of the few pending the end of the world.

This is a ludicrous fundamentalist Christian belief in events due to occur before or during the Second Coming Of Christ. Quite a few Christians seem to be looking forward to it in the same way people look forward to winning the national lottery.

US Christian broadcaster Harold Camping predicts it will happen this year, 2011, in May. This was the date he set after his previous prediction for 1994 failed to come true. Oops.

Most sects wisely avoid setting dates for the Rapture, Second Coming or the related Apocalypse.

Effectively, the Rapture will supposedly be a blessing bestowed on only the most devoted and fervent Christians, a chosen holier than though blessed elite few, enlightening them to the Second Coming, which could occur up to seven years after the Rapture itself, is bestowed. There is an absurd amount of theological dispute as to whether the rapture occurs right before, during or after the four horsemen of the Apocalypse are unleashed or even before Jesus launches his comeback tour. The seven years grace between Rapture and the end are therefore popular speculative interpretations of the relevant scriptures in certain circles.

Those enraptured will be expected to help to evangelise the arrival of Jesus, and in return, they’ll be protected from death when the Apocalypse hits the rest of us, as a reward for their work and virtue.

The Rapture may be a telepathically transmitted message of assurance to the inner core faithful, or as a lot of people really do believe, the en-raptured will be drawn from the planet, regardless of what they are doing, and whisked instantly off to Heaven, for a briefing on their duties. Most will not return to see there loved ones until after the Apocalypse is over, presuming their loved ones, now dead, are granted admission to Paradise-Heaven. The en-raptured get ringside seats and safety from the War, Pestilence, and Famine & Death the rest of us will have to endure.

The imagery of the Rapture is laughable Melodrama dressed in Cecile B DeMille special effects, with clouds parting to reveal trumpeting angels, Jesus defying gravity to walk in the skies, living people being drawn into orbit round him, others left behind running round in panic and desperately starting to pray now that they know God is real for them, etc.

Various pro-Christian propaganda films have tried to show the events surrounding the Rapture, and it has been the subject of many stands up comedy routines.

We will all die of course, though few will be around for the actual end of the World, possibly in the heat death of the Solar System when our Sun expands in heat and volume, virtually swallowing the Earth and inner planets. It won’t happen for millennia.

Jesus is supposed to pop back and sort things out when they get so bad God feels obliged to intervene, but given that they sat through the atrocities of WW2 without lifting a finger to help, things would have to look pretty bleak indeed before the Rapture starts.

Better perhaps to think this isn’t actually the end times, and just get on with life not expecting Jesus to return, God to consider you one of the righteous due to be rewarded with Rapture, or any other aspect of the pipe dream coming true.

If it does happen, I’ll be laughing at the religious leaders not taken away with the Rapture. I’d love it if the Pope and Archbishop of Canterbury were left behind. If I got taken, given my atheism and cynicism and even for writing this, you should realize God is seriously mixed up about things.

Ooh, hang on, a big hand just came out of the sky and grabbed me – and it’s not King Kong - hey, get off… I’m trying to write a web page here. Come back in five minutes. Put me dow….

Arthur Chappell - Lucky rapture raffle ticket number 666

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