ATHEIST SCEPTICAL BIBLE READING THE NATURE OF HEAVEN AND HELL > <META NAME="Keywords" CONTENT="Humanism, atheism, television, media studies, vampires, cthulhu, comics, graphic novels, battle, Moston, goths, night clubs, food, drink, religion, sects, guru, brainwashing, meditation, fun, philosophy, literature, time, Judge Dredd, Dr. Who, flash fiction, fantasy, comedy, beer, pubs, travel, art, history, Civil War Re-enactment, humour, short stories, links, quicksand, science fiction, SF, trivia, abstracts, haiku, poetry slams, poetry, blogging, myspace, belief, doubt, cynicism, free will, Eastercon, costuming, photographs, scepticism, existentialism, biography, autobiography, books, films, cinema, scripts, Manchester, links to other sites, Arthur Chappell"> <META NAME="Description" CONTENT="Atheism, Religious cults, erotica, humour, Civil War Re-enactment, history, Manchester England, humour, philosophy, book and film reviews."> <meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=windows-1252"> <meta name=ProgId content=Word.Document> <meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 9"> <meta name=Originator content="Microsoft Word 9"> <link rel=File-List href="./bible-the.nature.of.heaven.and.hell_files/filelist.xml"> <title> THE NATURE OF HEAVEN AND HELL

THE NATURE OF HEAVEN AND HELL

I started writing this as an online forum response to a thread on the nature of Heaven & Hell. It grew into an essay in its own right.

For atheists like myself there simply is no Heaven or Hell.

If we go by Biblical scripture no one is in Heaven yet as we stay in our graves until Judgement Day and all have our fates decided then - hope you're not near the back of the queue. Will it be done in the order people died, so that bronze aged dead go way before we 21^st century folk? Perhaps we may go in alphabetical order in which case I’ll be among the early ones to be processed – bad luck to anyone called Zuchinsky though.

This rather contradicts the standard near death experience belief in a vision of a land of light at the end of the tunnel, and lots of friends eager to greet you.

Heaven seems superficially nice - you get to meet all your dead relatives, unless they went to Hell. It can't be fun knowing your kind uncle Albert is roasting in a fire for eternity for once thinking lewd thoughts about the au pair girl he forgot to confess to in church. Somehow, condemning him to the same fate as Hitler seems grossly unfair.

I read Dante’s Inferno, the first part of his humourless Divine Comedy. The gag about the worst circle of Hell being reserved for anabaptised babies must have had audiences hysterical with laughter at the comedy clubs mustn’t it? The Hell of Dante, Milton & Goya is a nightmare place as is Sartre’s secular Hell with only people in it in Huis Clos. (No Exit).

Somehow, however, Heaven struck me as just as terrible – for one thing, you are dead before you get to go in – the ultimate member’s only club. And what do you do all eternity? Greet relatives, wave to Jesus and the angels, sing hymns all day long? An eternity of Kumbaya sounds horrid. It brings back memories of school assemblies and Sunday school. I think I’d be a rebel and get myself kicked out quickly.

The cartoon image of Heaven is people sat on clouds playing harps. Everyone wears white – it looks insipid. Boring.

If we still feel sorrow in Heaven it won't be perfect, so in some ways we may still be in Hell - the biggest sin might be a self righteous smug sense of happiness at being there when others didn't get in. Will we get to watch the dammed burn and suffer? Maybe we get to throw rocks at them ya boo, we are good. You were wicked. Would such thoughts get us kicked out? Would complaining to God that Uncle Albert deserves mercy be considered contrition? If so, you sin, and immediately get to join Uncle Albert. I'd sooner go to Devon than Heaven.

Then there’s Purgatory, or Limbo – basically a Hell that lasts a long time but with hope of parole. Frankly, oblivion sounds better to me.

Suicide bombers have a really mixed up idea of Heaven, where they are rewarded for suicidal martyrdom and mass murder, with a bevy of virgins and endless wines – the kind of decadence forbidden to them in life. Heaven thoughts blind us to the life we have now – we don’t enjoy being who or where we are and set our dreams on a vacuous after-life – it’s all a terrible waste. This life is all the Heaven we need and sometimes more than Hell enough for any of us.

Arthur Chappell

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