FILM REVIEW – GALAXINA
Some
films entertain me for being total turkeys. It’s laughable thinking that anyone
thought they were worth making at all. Galaxina is such a film. The eponymous
heroine is a sexy android played rather woodenly by Dorothy Stratten, an
actress tragically murdered by her boyfriend soon after filming was completed
in 1980….
The
plot is virtually non-existent. Galaxina pilots a space police while its crew
of humans and aliens sleep in suspended animation chambers. She flies a half decent looking spaceship,
while classical music pounds away, as the director has delusions that he is
making 2001 – A space Odyssey. He even
borrows that film’s distinctive Richard Strauss Alzo Sprach Zarathrustra theme
too
As
the crew awaken, they play out a series of clichéd half-baked gags derived from
other science fiction films. One man, played in an excruciatingly lame
imitation of Oliver Hardy, finds an alien egg and eats it, before vomiting up a
lizard that eventually grows into a friendly alien that thinks he is its
mother.
Galaxina
says nothing for three quarters of the film, as the chauvinistic crew dress her
in a French Maid’s dress and have her serving food. She gives off electric
shocks if anyone dares to touch her, though one crewman does despite this, and
finds the experience worthwhile. His
action makes Galaxina curious about love, so she deactivates the electric shock
devise and learns to speak.
There
are other odd, and rather random characters, if that is what they could be
called – an alien that eats rocks is being held prisoner, though no one seems
to know why. There is a Confucian opium smoking Chinaman who spouts proverbial
drivel on occasion, and a man with Spock like ears and bat wings. Later, Galaxina meets another
Spock-lookalike, called Mr. Spot.
There
is an evil alien chap in a peculiar mask, a group of alien cannibals who
worship a Harley Davidson motorbike as a God, and other make it up as filming
goes on tosh. Some jokes are mildly amusing, but mostly, the film is dull and
pointless.
There
is some garbled nonsense arises about a McGuffin called the Blue Star, which
makes music play profoundly whenever it is even mentioned. The villains lose and someone moans a lot
about a lack of pizza. That is about it really. If not for the death of its
leading star giving it cult status, this one would have vanished without trace
for sure.
Arthur Chappell
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