EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR
Ladies and gentlemen, our award ceremony for the best ID Card Inspectors is almost at an end. I have only two more presentations to make before you can all relax and drink without listening to any more speeches. The prize for the best Inspector in Manchester is always fiercely contested. I know a lot of you deserve to win. You work in a field that makes traffic wardens and estate agents look popular. This year, last year’s winner, Robert Watson, will present the award. Robert, you will recall, had the brilliant initiative to get book shop proprietors to pass on to him the ID readings of anyone buying books like Orwell’s 1984 and Karl Marx’s Communist Manifesto. The people making such a purchase could be potential dissidents and rebels who oppose ID cards in Britain. I therefore invite you all to give Robert a tremendous round of applause. Robert Watson everyone – Robert Watson.
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Good evening everyone. I got here remarkably quickly. There were very few ID Inspectors checking up on me. I guess that’s because most of you are here.
Seriously, tonight is not my night. Tonight is the night we celebrate the remarkable achievements of the 2017 winner – This man realised that many people in Manchester are so offended by ID Cards that they set up petition stalls and hand out leaflets calling for the system to be abolished. I rather like my job, and I believe that we are helping to keep our country a safe place for our citizens. I object to being treated like a Nazi.
We know who such radicals and rebels are of course. We have kept them under surveillance for some time. However we often neglect our duty to keep an eye on the people who take the leaflets and who listen to these left wing bleeding heart liberals. Tonight’s winner developed a strong uniform approach to making sure that we are seen standing around petitioners and leafleters. Few people sign their names to the anti ID cause if they know that we will check their ID’s and report their hostility towards us immediately afterwards. The number of people in Manchester signing petitions and joining in with anti-ID rallies is now the lowest in Britain. For that we have to thank this year’s Employee of the year, Bernard Moore… And here’s the man himself to collect the trophy…. Robert Moore……….
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