MADE UP FILM TITLES
Films you will never see, but perhaps ought to.
A MARD DAYS KNIGHT - Cowardly Knights of the Round
Table refuse to
A FRIDGE TOO FAR Tom Hanks carries a fridge to Texas and gets a hernia.
THE BAND THAT TIME FORGOT - Tubeway Army biopic
DOUG DAY AFTERNOON A bloke called Doug robs a bank
FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNNEL A ship's Captain conducts marriages.
GOON WITH THE WIND Harry Seacome as Captain Scarlet O'Hara - frankly my dear I don't give a (raspberry sound effects)
HARRY POTTER & THE CHAMBER POT OF SECRETS - Snape's magical ablusions cause problems at Hogwarts.
THE LYING WITCH IN THE WARDROBE - -No, you can't get to Narnia this way - you have to jump out of the 15th storey window to get there now... off you go.
MIME BANDITS - people steal mime artists from all periods of time and space - no one hears anyone scream for help.
MIRTHQUAKE - (In Sensurround) a giant Ken Dodd tickles everyone to death.
THE QUIET MANC - A Mancunian loses the ability to say 'Sorted!
RETURN OF THE JED - Jed Clampett saves Jethro and Eli-may from the dark side in the vault at the Darth-Drysdale Bank
SATURDAY NIGHT BEAVER - after a week of working on a dam, a beaver goes out on the pull
SEVEN BRIDES OF FRANKENSTIEN FOR SEVEN BROTHERS The Baron helps a bunch of rednecks get hitched. .
SHAVING PRIVATE RYAN Soldier gets rid of his beard before battle.
SOYLENT GREEK - Charlton Heston finds out what was really in his kebab
SPONGER BOB SQUAREPANTS Jovial sea creature makes false claims for social security.
STAR TREK 2 THE BATH OF KHAN Ricardo Montablan gets cleaned up.
STAR TREK 3 - THE BIRCH FOR SPOCK Corporal Punishment Vulcan style.
STAR TREK 5 - THE FINAL FRONT EAR Spock grows a new ear in the front of his head.
TRADERS OF THE LOST CAR PARK Indiana Jones and David Dickenson seek the cheapest car boot sales in Clapham.
WHORE OF THE WORLDS - Topless page three stunners invade the planet
WOODY ALIEN - Jewish Comedian face hugger and chest burster with anxiety issues.
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