Arthur Chappell

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Shakespeare sits backstage at a table at the Globe writing, and looking perplexed. He has a beer and a bottle of ink on the table.

BARD (writing and talking to himself) What brick through yonder window breaks?

(Dissatisfied, he crosses the words out)

BARD – Is this Dagenham I see before me?

(He crumples the paper and throws it to the floor. He starts writing again on the sheet under it.

BARD – Out damn zit… Oh, God  no.

He reaches for the beer but drinks the ink instead by accident.

BARD - Pha!  A pox on this accursed writer’s block.

(Enter ACTOR)


ACTOR - Bill, Bill. About Hamlet

BARD - What of it?


ACTOR Horatio rhymes with fellatio. Could your Sweet Prince not take such pleasure from his friend on stage to show how close they are?


BARD Gadzooks! You are truly for such a course. You do not jest! I must forbid it. The Globe attracts family audiences. We must make such merriment only in private.


ACTOR Bill, I beg of you. Is it to be?


BARD (standing up, pen & paper in hand) It is not to be, but you give me ideas….  Be. Not be…. Odds-Bodkins! I believe I can work on that… To be or not to be. That is the question!

(Exit Shakespeare stage left)


First performance – Freed Up poetry event – The Green Room, Whitworth Street, Manchester September 10th 2009


BARD  - Arthur Chappell

ACTOR  - Andy Nicholson.