POEM IDENTITY TITLE> <META NAME="Keywords" CONTENT="Humanism, atheism, television, media studies, vampires, cthulhu, comics, graphic novels, battle, Moston, goths, night clubs, food, drink, religion, sects, guru, brainwashing, meditation, fun, philosophy, literature, time, Judge Dredd, Dr. Who, flash fiction, fantasy, comedy, beer, pubs, travel, art, history, Civil War Re-enactment, humour, erotica, short stories, links, quicksand, science fiction, SF, trivia, abstracts, haiku, poetry slams, poetry, blogging, myspace, belief, doubt, cynicism, free will, Eastercon, costuming, photographs, scepticism, existentialism, biography, autobiography, books, films, cinema, scripts, Manchester, links to other sites, Arthur Chappell"> <META NAME="Description" CONTENT="Atheism, Religious cults, erotica, humour, Civil War Re-enactment, history, Manchester England, humour, philosophy, book and film reviews."> <script language="JavaScript1.2" src="http://www.altavista.com/static/scripts/translate_engl.js"></script> <meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=windows-1252"> <meta name=ProgId content=Word.Document> <meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 9"> <meta name=Originator content="Microsoft Word 9"> <link rel=File-List href="./poem-identity_files/filelist.xml"> <title>IDENTITY



Dear Sir, do not persist

In claiming that we cannot prove that you exist

You owe us money and itís foolish to resist

You are not the first great thinker who learns

That metaphysics doesnít help you escape income tax returns

We think therefore you are

The French philosopher Renee Descartes

Your logic is perfectly sound

But logic wonít stop us sending the bailiffs round

Though if everything is just an illusion

Perhaps the best possible solution

Is for us to take everything away

We think therefore youíll pay

Itís no good citing rational denial

Weíve got your details on our file

Your reasoning has one fatal flaw

It wonít make a difference in a court of law.

You owe us money, so donít start getting funny

Berkeley and Hume played a similar game

But they lost their case all the same.

John Locke paid up, though Emmanuel Kant,

Your denial of existence simply shanít

Work against our cogito ergo summons to court

You have until Tuesday to report.

We repeat and reiterate

We think therefore you are

That well-known smart arse Renee Descartes


Arthur Chappell

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