CURATIVE MEASURES
Your condition is far from hopeless, but the treatment may be painful. This is going to be a hard, bitter pill to swallow, but it will cure you of your chronic homophobia. No, correct me - swallow is the wrong word, as the pill has to be ingested anally. No, it won’t be applied or administered through a suppository, but from the tip of a large boot, which will approach your rectum with some force, at considerable speed, to kick you in the general direction of the fuck out of here.
It’s a desperate measure for someone as far gone into bigotry as you, but it’s not so much kill or cure as kick or cure. You might supplement your treatment by reading some books and taking an education. Successful study will possibly mean the kickings will get less frequent and severe.
How often must you take your treatment? As often as your symptoms manifest themselves. At least you won’t need an expensive chemist’s prescription. Your treatment is free. Just find the biggest strongest looking man you can find, and make sure he is wearing Doc Martins or some other steel toe-capped boots, and make fun of his sexuality. He’ll do the rest.
There may be some irony involved you having to be bent over to take your medicine like a man for your sneering condescension to those who bend over to receive more loving attention than you ever offer – your symptoms of arrogant self righteousness, over-whelming faith in your own heterosexuality, abuse, scorn, intimidation, and wilful pig ignorant sheer stupidity are very strong, but they are curable. The treatment may however have the unpleasant side effect of leaving you with a very sore arse.
Now, bend over while I personally apply the first dose. After each application, you should apologize sincerely to the whole fucking World.
Oh yes, the treatment is merely a placebo. It has no scientific approval or medicinal properties, but I feel so much better for giving it to you. Believe me, this will hurt you much more than it hurts me…..
© Copyright. Arthur Chappell
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