By order of the Commonwealth Parliament,
You are cordially summoned to Lord Cromwell’s Birthday Party.
Do not bring a bottle.
Do not be merry, happy or glad.
There will be no dancing, or frivolity whatsoever, unless you wish to be hanged drawn and quartered.
Be instead of the Puritan persuasion.
Expect not a buffet, for this is a time to fast, rather than a time to feast.
Do not treat the occasion as an opportunity to have a knees-up. Save that for the Judgement Day when we will really let our hair down and celebrate in style while we watch the Catholics being cast down into the bosom of Beelzebub never to party again.
Come, this Sabbath, to Lord Cromwell’s but do not party on, dudes.
(All presents gratefully accepted).
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